Aesthetic Delusion..beauty at any cost

AESTHETIC DELUSION.. Beauty at Any Cost

"How social media, with the help of an unethical provider, turned me into Jessica Rabbit "

Have you ever wondered where the inspiration for the exaggerated features of Jessica Rabbit, the character from the circa 1988 film Who Framed Roger Rabbit came from? This was an award winning, thoroughly delightful film featuring a cartoon character, Jessica Rabbit, with exaggerated full lips, massively long eye lashes, an enormous bosom, tiny waist and voluptuous hips. The embodiment of the male perception of female sexuality only made possible at the time through the art of cartoon. The film grossed $329.8 million domestically, $173.4 million internationally rendering $173.4 million (profit). It was the second highest grossing film of 1988. It also started the downfall of the natural female form being desirable. It quite possibly was the origination of the question women ask themselves today: why am I not good enough just the way lam?

Why don't I look like the women at social lunches and gatherings? If the gnawing feeling of measuring up was limited to the "right clothing", the status bag or shoes costing the debt of a third world country, that would be challenging enough. The solution would then be a simple matter of what to spend your money on, and we make that decision.

That insidious feeling of not measuring up has a nasty habit of striking when we least expect it. We harken back to those younger days when our bodies were "perfectly smooth and full", our wit seemed sharper and, of course, we had all the answers to everything!!!

We fail to remind ourselves that the past is truly in our rear-view mirror. We are so much more now. We climb corporate ladders, break glass ceilings, hold our own in a man's world, fight for equality and recognition. Sometimes all of this while juggling husbands or partners trying to balance relationships with the fatigue of our careers. Add to that raising children, juggling childcare and after school activities and attending social obligations. Sometimes there is the added responsibility of caring for one or two sets of aging parents. Rest? Who even knows what that is? We are tired and stretching ourselves beyond endurance.

All of this is realistically unachievable. We expect too much of ourselves. We allow ourselves no grace. And yet we rise every morning to attempt to do it all again. It's no wonder we secretly feel vulnerable. We cannot do it all despite what Vogue, Bazaar, Elle and social media proclaim.

Women and our children are constantly inundated with pictures of "ideal looks" and "utter perfection" as examples of how we are supposed to look during our demanding lives. We see chiseled cheekbones, full lips, magnificently wide-open eyes, perfectly taut jawlines and noses and swan necks with nary a wrinkle. The skin glows, the teeth are perfectly straight and blindingly white.

All this brings me to the concept of obsessive perfectionism. Something of which I am guilty. We are taught that perfectionism is the Holy Grail of success. BOLLOCKS!

Obsessive perfectionism (the word "obsessive" is the first clue) is an insidious form of self-abuse. A dear, extremely wise friend of mine, looked me straight in the eye as I was playing with her puppy and chatting away about God knows what, and said obsessive perfectionism is a form of self-abuse. It starts from the early childhood experience of being told you are not good enough and monstrously and insidiously expands in your head as you mature. This sense of inadequacy is heightened by events such as not making that A in math, not scoring that point in sports, scorned by a boyfriend, bullied in school or not getting into the prestigious college can feed this sense of inadequacy as you mature.

My personal (and now scientifically proven which I will enthusiastically share with you shortly) belief is social media and visual advertising constantly prey on these insecurities. They do not do this to us accidentally. Social media, the advent of Al filters, special visually enhancing apps barrage us hourly and daily. They exploit our insecurities and fears. They tell us we simply aren't good enough. We need to be more. We need to have perfectly honed bodies and exquisitely perfect faces conveniently achievable through the purchase of their multiple clients hawking miracle cures.

BOSH! PSAW! For Heaven's Sake! REALLY???!!!

These opportunistic business conglomerates insult our rather keen intelligence by playing on our insecurities which scientific studies have shown work. That miracle $49 knee cream will not erase 50 years of athletics, bone deterioration, loss of muscle mass and estrogen. Surgery might, but good luck with that. Recovery and pain - not to mention scarring. No over the counter facial will moisturize or masque will improve anything more than the temporary appearance of the outer epidermis. Its molecular structure simply cannot penetrate deeper.

Yet sales in over-the-counter beauty products were $85.1 billion with the US beauty market alone increasing by 3% reaching a total of $119 Billion.

The potions, lotions and often futuristic and frightening looking machines will not provide long term improvement, the body of a professional ballet dancer, a tight jawline or an upper forehead drawn up to our hairline. Not physically possible through the highly hyped marketing machine.

Do you know why we are susceptible to these ridiculously absurd, brilliantly worded promises of misleading information of returning to our former glory? Enter scientific evidence not funded by major beauty conglomerates. Allow me to present:

"Aesthetic Delusions: An Investigation into the role of Rapid Visual Adaptation in Aesthetic Practice"

This scientific study opened my eyes and explained why I feel social media has surreptitiously corrupted our expectations of aging, beauty and emotional wellbeing. HALLELUJAH!!

This scientific study was conducted by Kate Goldie and her highly respected international team of scientists, surgeons, and leading psychiatric, behavioral, and medical scientific experts.

Their double-blind study encompassed 48 female participants who were shown photographs of female faces in whom lip fullness had either been strongly over or under exaggerated while remaining within bounds of naturally appearing lips. Upon viewing before and after exaggerated images, participants were asked to rate an alternative set of faces in terms of attractiveness and natural appearance. The evaluation set of 6 base faces digitally altered to create systematically varying 11 step sets of lip sizes from extremely thin to the original version to very full.

The Result: the simple viewing of the exaggerated featured photos recalibrated a person's assessment of beauty. The scientific conclusion described in the paper is that facial attractiveness is fluid with psychological evidence of mechanisms that cause aesthetic bias. Overexposure to exaggerated features Leads to a person's idea of attractiveness.

In plain Language, these findings demonstrate our collective aesthetic preference was affected by viewing extreme image versions after only a short exposure. This proves our exposure to manipulated media (filters, apps, Al) alters our normal concepts of beauty and attractiveness.

Our 21st century culture offers a constant visual diet of manipulated images with IG filters, photoshopping, air brushing, etc. all distorting and "beautifying" while pushing norms of appearance extremes. Our underlying cognitive process (as proven in the Kate Goldie study) is automatic and leads to lower satisfaction with our authentic self-image. It changes our visual habits and standards. It alters our internalized norms of beauty. These altered perceptions to an overabundance of visualized stimuli have been scientifically proven to alter our perceptions in a mere matter of seconds to minutes and can persist for days and weeks. The constant exposure to visual stimuli prevents our brains returning to accepting our untreated face or body image.

We are being systematically brainwashed into believing "normal" is inferior, undesirable. Our treacherous brains are exposed to enhanced photos and say, "ooohh!!". This look is desirable, better. We need to look like that! No matter the expense, the inconvenience, or the pain. We, on our own, simply are not good enough- pretty enough.

As if this brainwashing is not insidious enough, there are countless aesthetic and surgical providers motivated by greed who will perform these over inflated and unrealistic looking purposeful procedures to satisfy the bottom line and feed their greed.

In my opinion, it is time to say: ENOUGH. Seek therapy to address the insecurities and surround yourself with grounded, honest injectors who will help you navigate your plan of care to maintain natural, rejuvenated results.

Perfection (as presented to us) is not attainable. It is another way to abuse ourselves and feed our insecurities.

We need to thoroughly interview our aesthetic providers. Seek out highly skilled professionals recognized in the field of aesthetics for their expertise, professionalism and caring. Experts with extensive professional training from reputable sources who continue training and updating their knowledge of new techniques, particularly new procedures that provide subtle, natural looking results. Don't be afraid to ask.... "How long have you been injecting?" "Where did you get trained?" "What is your medical licensure?"

We require a symbiotic relationship with our provider allowing for a comfortable exchange of our wants with their advice regarding realistically achievable results. This is what I call the "Trust Transaction". We want a provider who will tell us the truth and are truly as dedicated to their craft as they are to their patients. You want a professional unafraid to say no to our overreaching desires, keeping us grounded and realistic in our expectations. The great ones remind us that we are beautiful and valuable in our own right. They bond with us, understand us, and do not let us do something we will regret later. "Later" causes regret and can cause additional expense to repair what was not a feasible procedure, especially if the provider had recommended not doing it. This situation can be minimized by using a provider that you trust. Patience is a virtue worth mastering, especially while you are waiting for the product to dissipate.

It is essential to show our appreciation to our providers. I bring my injector baked goods for the staff to show my appreciation. They genuinely care, and I have witnessed mine go way beyond what one would expect. I feel valued and respected. I want to reciprocate that behavior toward them. We have researched them, interviewed them, and checked ratings, referrals, and education before making our decision to use them. Let us let them know we are grateful for their loving care. Write a thank you note. Say thank you. Show up on time for our appointments if not 1O minutes early. If it is a midafternoon appointment, I like to bring a thank you treat such as bakery or home baked cookies. This helps combat the mid-afternoon slump.

I would like to add one more act of courtesy: be nice to the hardworking staff. They always greet me with a smile and offer pleasantries as they lead me to the treatment room. They deal with appointment scheduling, product ordering, retail sales, pricing of services and the public all day long as well as keeping your provider on track. Days can be frustrating. Previous patients can be irritable. Computers can go down. Collecting payments can be stressful.

We have no idea how their day has gone. Be polite. Be considerate and patient because they certainly are with us. And make sure to offer a heartfelt "thank you" on your way out.

This has been a very personal blog for me and the most challenging to write. I have been a client of aesthetic practices for over 30 years. I had an unfortunate experience with a provider who was a well-known plastic surgeon. I was a client of his for many years. Over time his manner changed from affable to a "hard sell" practitioner. I required upper and lower blepharoplasty to correct the problem. Not only had I lost perspective of my image, but he also continued to inject filler. I should have said something. I should have been more aware. I should have listened to my instincts and said, "no more." I was experiencing Aesthetic Delusion, and my provider was complicit.